Wednesday Heds

Near deadline in the newsrooms of old, there wasn't always time for explanations, like whether "head" referred to a headline or the thing that sits atop people's shoulders, at least the ones who don't have their heads inserted elsewhere. To avoid confusion, headlines became "heds." 

   From the T-U's jacksonville.com ...

Records list lewd texts, molestings by pastor

Don't know about y'all, but I think I'll pass on reading the sexual communication and details of the encounters between a mid-40s man of God and his child victims.  Maybe just stick my finger down my throat a few times instead.

Educators: Say 'No' to 'Tax Swap'

OK, but can I still swap my peanut butter and jelly for Jimmy's bologna?

Guard keeping trigger fingers sharp

Take a minute, kick back and imagine the possible exercises the guard uses.  Fun, isn't it?

   From CNN.com ...

Gas down for 20 straight days

Let's see. Prices go up and up and up, with everything from Gulf storms to OPEC greed to flooded Iowa cornfields to the war in Iraq being blamed. But the very moment they figure out Americans are actually driving less, all that external stimuli disappears and the oil companies can cut the price? If I were a conspiracy buff, I'd find that suspicious. By the way, I saw the other day that Exxon-Mobile's profit rate is $1,500 per second.

'Please kill me,' beheading suspect says

Nope, not if that's what you want. Too easy.

Oprah.com: 237 reasons to have sex

What? Was there a 30-second time limit to list the reasons?

   From FoxNews.com ...

Does anyone besides me see the irony of the Iraqi government turning a profit?

California Hot Spot Hits 812 Degrees

Government has, of course, plans to correct Mother Nature's little quirk by watering it down.  As soon as the pipeline's complete, they'll hook it up to the same spigot the St. Johns River Water Management District is gonna use to water Central Florida lawns.

Ohio Woman Bills Government for Gas Wasted in Traffic

1. Imagine the soiled pants in government offices all over the country if she wins that case.

2. Who wants to move to Ohio with me and sign up for jury duty to make sure that happens?

3. If it does, who wants to join me and hire a lawyer for the class-action suit we'll file over Blanding and 17?

Michael S. Mann

michaelsmann@comcast.net