22 ways to be a good Democrat

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on
demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments
create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans
are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands
of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
scientifically documented cyclical changes in the earth's climate and
more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being
homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of
federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth
graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about
sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony
activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually
doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own
money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts
of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more
important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and
A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very
nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in
charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail,
but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and
manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the
Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States
.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right
wing conspiracy.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day
off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."