Chamber's Sky is Falling

Adam Babington might not be a name most people'd recognize, but if you're a member of the Chamber of Commerce around Florida, you probably got an e-mail from him today.

Ol' Adam's the Director of Initiatives and Coalitions for the Florida Chamber and his e-mail warns members of that prestigious organization about an evil situation they may encounter as they exercise their American right to vote the Presidential Primary Election. An attempt to "perpetrate widespread fraud," he called it. A "last-ditch effort to fool Florida voters."

What is this statewide voter fraud scheme planned for tomorrow that has Adam sending out e-mails about the sky falling?

Why, it's none other than Florida Hometown Democracy's plan to pick up some more signatures, making sure the proposed state constitutional amendment gets on the ballot in November.

Now, to most of us, being asked to sign a petition to certify the Hometown Democracy Amendment isn't quite as scary as it apparently is to the Chamber of Commerce. It's not the kind of situation we really spend a lot of time preparing for in advance, and we can usually resolve the crisis with a simple "Sure" or polite "No, thank you." But Adam wants to make sure his folks are at the forefront of the fight against this Florida election fraud.

He even offered four possible scenarios to make sure his warriors can escape unharmed from any encounters with those Democracy frauds.

1. Don't sign anything unless you're absolutely sure of what you're signing. (Are members of the Chamber of Commerce reallly stupid enough that they have to be told this in an e-mail from the "Director of Initiatives and Coalitions?")

2. If somebody asks you to sign more than one petition, the second one is probably for Hometown Democracy, so don't sign more than one without checking. (Again, I have to question the intelligence of an organization whose members need this particular piece of advice.)

3. Just ask for a copy of any petition to fill out later. (Chamber members might be able to figure out the difference between a Hometown Democracy Amendment petition and a petition to make Spanish the state's official language if you give 'em a dictionary and enough time.)

4. Call the Chamber's toll-free hotline to report any contacts with "paid signature gatherers for Hometown Democracy." (That sounds suspiciously like the same messages people in Mississippi were receiving in the '60s about attempts to register black voters. "You hear about that going on, you give us a call, Billy Bob, and we'll put a stop to it PDQ.)

How the State Chamber's Director of Initiatives and Coalitions can get away with dispensing advice so moronic and comicly-Klan-like that it would insult the intelligence of most adult recipients is beyond me. Thank goodness I'm not a member of an organization that thinks I'm that stupid.