THE WEAKEST PART OF YOUR CHILD....THE SELF-ESTEEM
So far, two teens have committed suicide because of "Internet bullying", it is amazing how creative can some people be when is about hurting a child. I can even imagine the laughs while writing the terrible things they said to these two teens, while they were feeling defenseless and hunted. How cowardly and cruel can this sound when this verbal attack is coming from other kids the same age? And how unbelievable when the parents of those kids are involved too in the chat-bullying? Playing with the mind of a minor in such a despicable way, attacking an already damaged self-esteem, and doing all this hiding behind a screen, to the point to push the victim to commit suicide should deserve the death penalty. It is worst than beating a kid to death! And these actions should be punished accordingly. The two teens who took their lives probably did what the majority of kids do on these days: Get back from school (probably after a long day of peer pressure, some bullying and long hours of study) and shelter themselves on line only to find out another kind of hell in there. The true is that going to school in today's world is not the same experience than 20 years ago. It is and emotional, stressful and energy consuming experience for our kids which self-esteem is continuously attacked from different sources. They even develop a defensive behavior and become kind of a bully themselves so the others won't mess with them, or they turn into loners, scared and mentally tortured. Their self-esteem becomes so thin that they prefer being the target as long as they leave them alone after the bully gets a good laugh from the other classmates. Part of growing up? Sure! But to what point? I remember myself being target of jokes all the time at school, with my thick glasses and my long braids, there were times when I used to come home crying. However, I was lucky enough to have my mom always there for me. Those were the times when one income in the family was enough to survive and there was always one parent available at home. Kids today are not that lucky! With both parents working they have found another kind of ways to release their frustrations. They talk to people on line because they need someone to listen to them, someone they can "trust". No wonder predators and people like those parents that "bullied" those two teenagers, have a free pass to our kids. Unfortunately, we cannot stop working! Especially now with that war going on and the economical crisis we are going through, is just not going to happen! However, we can make our kids our first priority again, trying to leave work at work and be there for them when we get home. Today is the day! Get closer to your kids: - Do not take work home unless you are planning to do it after the kids got to bed. Give them your complete attention! Not only answeing with an "ajam", or a "really?" and phrases like that when they talk to you. Pay attention to what they say, it might be something that they are trying really hard to get off their chest and if you do not give them your undivided attention, you might be missing a great opportunity to find out what is really going with their lives. - Turn your cellular off while your are having supper and try to gather around the table. This is the time when you exchange ideas and experiences during the day with your kids. And please: turn the TV off! - Save the computer time for whenever they go to bed and check the history in your computer to check what sites your kids visited today, you will be amazed! - Place the computer in a trafficked spot in your house, this will discourage any "private sessions" with strangers in the other side of the screen. - Do not allow your kids to shelter themselves behind a closed door on their room. It is true that they deserve privacy but this is the first step for kids to isolate themselves from the rest of the world. It makes them the perfect prey for Internet garbage and predators. Leaving them behind a closed door on the Internet is the perfect way to loose them. - Ask them questions, find out who they chat with, make it like a conversation, so they will feel comfortable to tell you. Sometimes your kids are screaming for your attention, you just don't hear them. Don't wait until it is too late, talk your kids, make them realize your really care by listening to them! Even if what they are saying sounds like nonsense and you feel like just resting and watch T.V., try to run that extra mile! Your kids are worth it and please always remember that: "You are all they have". Related: ENDENFIN's blog | login or register to post comments | printer friendly version | Tags: computers | Family | kids
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The bullying has gotten out of hand due to people who have the mindset that "kids will be kids" like being mean and manipulative is a right of passage. It's not just Parents, it's all the adults who have this same asinine mindset. Also don't forget the bully mentality if often handed down from Parent to Child. I can't remember what State it was but one of the young girls who recently killed herself was actually being bullied by the Mother of a girl she went to School with pretending to be a kid.
In light of the fact that there will always be bullies, those small minded, selfish and self entitled people in the world the best thing to do is teach your kids how to defend themselves against these human rodents. You can't do it for them, like the two different Mothers showing up at Bus Stops with guns, you have to give them the tools to do it for themselves.
Good self esteem can grow from various places, the best place to start is to teach them coping skills. Coping skills can ward off a variety of emotional issues and can help a person not turn to other self medicating activities.
I had to learn all these things the hard way. I grew up in an era, and in a home that felt anything that went on between kids was not worth fooling with. If I was bullied I was told to "get over it" and it was left at that. No one cared about my self-esteem and my Dad was so busy working I never heard anything from him unless I was in trouble. It was only as an adult that I worked through all this stuff and came out on the other end determined to be different with my own kids, and I did it. This isn't to imply I didn't have a good home with loving Parents.....I did. I just didn't realize it until I became mature enough myself to know that my folks were Products of their Enviroment just like I was......I just worked really hard to break the cycle and I did. My Daddy says I have "grit" and admires the woman I have grown to be, and regrets those times when he was emotionally unavailable but I don't........it's what made me strong.
First rule of good self esteem is to accept the fact that it's something you have to do for yourself. Second rule is that self esteem is one thing and arrogance is another, and that humility is a necessary ingredient if you want the kind of self esteem that lasts a lifetime. In order to do the right thing I must recognize the potential to do the wrong one. Good Self Esteem is a system of checks and balances.