Harry Breitners rules to sports fanatacism.

Over the course of my life, I've met several people. All of these people have things in common, including being carbon based, living in the same continent as me, and some knowledge as to why the chicken crossed the road. What none of these people have in common however, are values and standards of sports fanatacism, which I understand is probably spelled very wrong. I also understand I'm being very vague when I say that. Basically what this I'm writing is a big list of do's and don'ts (mostly don'ts) for being a true fan. And yes, being a true fan is much better than any other kind of fan.

 1. Use of the word "we"

The word "we" is thrown around more in sports than the west coast offense (ba dum shish). Be careful. Acceptable use of the word when talking about a favorite team has many variables, including emotional attachment to the franchise, and historical prominence. Think of it like this, you can say "We beat Ohio State in the ncaa baskbetball championship last year" because the Gators are a storied sports university, and most of you are absolutely insane over the gators, but "We traded away Ty Wiggington, we must be crazy" is not acceptable because the Devil Rays are a new franchise, and no one even goes to their games. It's also unnacceptable because it's Ty Wiggington and he was going to be traded anyway. We is NEVER ok when discussing "second favorite teams, which brings me to my next point.

 2. Second Favorite Teams

Never. Seriously, don't. I'm from the tri-state area. Out of the womb it's Mets or Yankees. I've personally chosen the Mets, now that's it. Now, if you're a, let's say Athletics fan, and you're my bud, and the A's are out of contention, you're allowed to root with me when the Mets play in the World Series. Note that this only works with indifferent team relationships, like the A's and Mets. If you're a Jaguar fan, you can't root alongside a Colts fan friend because the Colts and Jags are in the same division.

2A. Following favorite players from college to the pros.

Someone might bring up the point that sometimes you root for a player in college, and then when said player leaves you follow their career. This is tricky. Only if the player is a once in a lifetime talent. For example, a die hard UNC basketball fan can become a Bulls fan after MJ leaves, but not Sean May. I've screwed myself out of this rule by picking Tommy Frazier. Bad move. I've got dibbs on Ray Rice whenever he leaves Rutgers though.

3. Apparel

 Don't wear jerseys with your own name and a fake number on the back. Seriously, that's ridiculous. Pick a favorite player, I'm sure you have one. Replica jerseys are ok, but with the hats, get the high quality stuff. You're representing your team the entire Sox nation with that red b, don't embarrass them!

4. Team Relocation/Expansion/Contraction.

 What a title for that one. Here's the deal. It's 1991 in Jacksonville Florida, and you are a Miami Dolphins fan. The NFL announces that Jacksonville is getting a football team. You are definitely allowed to become a Jaguars fan, but it's optional. Now it's 2055 in Jacksonville Florida, and the Jaguars move to Winnipeg Manitoba Canada(after the outraged football fans of the Northwest United States moved there of course. It's my 2055, let me have my fun).  You are allowed to follow the team to Canada , but it's once again optional.   Now it's 2055 in  Santa Fe New Mexico and you're a Sante Fe O'Keefe's fan, when the NFL decided to contract the O'keefes. You're a free man. Any team you desire is yours, though we understand if you ditch sports forever. R.I.P. Sante Fe O'Keefe's.

 5. Removal of Fan Status.

 There is one, and I mean one reason to completely abandon a team. The teams front office and management treats the team and it's fans so...deplorably...unbearably heinous that you just have to give up. There is ONE example of a front office doing that in all of sports at this time, and that's the Florida Marlins. Jeffery Loria wins a world series with a TON of young players, but traded them ALL because he refused to give any of them any money at all. Fast forward to 7 years later...and he does it again! He gets the talent to win a world series and he trades the entire team! If you're a Marlins fan feeling betrayed, know that you have options.

 Follow those rules. You don't want to be some kind of weird pseudo-fan.